Processing Disappointment
When elections don't go as you had hoped...
Hello, friend.
Thank you for choosing to be part of this community. I love having you here, especially at a time like this. I’m grateful to have this space where we can lean on one another.
This morning I’m tired, and my thoughts are jumbled — perhaps not the best combo for writing an article for public viewing. Or maybe it’s the perfect time. Keep reading. Or don’t. Do whichever helps you process disappointment.
(If you’re not disappointed about the election results, perhaps you have encouragement to offer those of us who are.)
No matter where you live and if you feel up to it, please let me know how you’re feeling about the post-election results and how you process disappointment. After all, we’re in this together. You are not alone.
Thank you for reading my article.
Processing Disappointment
(When elections don’t go as you had hoped…)
I stayed up way too late on election night watching results trickle in. I finally turned off the TV, hoping I’d wake up to better news. Pretty sure I already knew that wasn’t going to materialize. Sometimes, you just know.
In the morning, instead of better news, it was worse. Like it or not, the processing had to begin.
An email from fellow Substacker, Stephanie Raffelock, was the first one I opened when I made my way to my laptop.
Her words were exactly the ones I needed to hear:
Today We Mourn. Tomorrow We Recalibrate.
Actually, that was the title of her non-essay essay. You can (and should) read it here.
That title reminded me of an essay I wrote following the 2016 election. (Yeah, that one.)
After Hilary Clinton’s defeat in 2016, I wrote a piece titled, “Still In Mourning.” That year, I waited a whole week post election to publish it. That loss, too, was brutal. To this day, I can’t figure out why so many felt and still feel such disdain for the woman.
Which brings us to that whole topic of smart, educated and highly qualified women having to constantly prove themselves worthy of even seeking, much less securing, the job of Madame President (and other jobs, too, of course). Nikki Haley faced this as well. But that’s a topic for another day.
The loss this cycle feels similar to the one in 2016. And yet, it feels different. I’m not as shocked or upset (though I am both) as I was back then. I guess I’ve become a bit numb, too.
This is just one of the impacts the Trump years have had on us. We’ve all grown numb about a lot of things. Too many things.
Besides feeling tired, like Stephanie, I also feel sad, angry, shocked, and disappointed. Mostly, disappointed.
I’m disappointed in my fellow Americans, especially perhaps, white women. I can’t comprehend their support of a woman’s right to choose, but yet, still voting for the guy who took that right away. (e.g. As happened in Florida)
AND, I’m super disappointed that Wisconsin turned out to be the swing state that put Trump over the top.
Thank you, WI, for that extra jab.
Who really lost the most here — Vice President Kamala Harris or the American people?
I think the answer is clear. She will be fine — after a bit of time has passed.
Will America be fine?
I’m not so sure about that.
So yes, I’m in mourning. Again.
Plus, I am no longer confident I will live to see a woman residing in the White House as Commander in Chief. After 248 years as a democracy the world looks up to, or used to look up to, we’ve never elected a woman.
There’s something quite sad — just plain wrong — about this, don’t you agree?
There are so many layers to this loss. So much to unravel and figure out. Already, there is a lot of finger pointing going on. Everyone is analyzing what Democrats and the Harris campaign did wrong. (Sound familiar?)
I’m hearing pundits say Democrats must redefine their party. This is terribly ironic since the Republican party did exactly that, and look where we are now because of that.
So, here we are.
We have a deeply flawed president-elect who is unfit (everyone knows this) for the office for too many reasons to count. And yet, half the country willingly chose him for the job anyway.
This says way more about us as a people than it does about Trump. It’s time to stop saying, “This isn’t who we are.”
It is who we are.
I’m mourning the opportunity we’ve let slip through our fingers. Not just our failure to elect a woman as president, but our failure to elect the most qualified and experienced of two candidates. Again. It’ll take time to stop mourning this failure — this loss.
It’ll require processing.
Still, I remain hopeful for our country’s future because to feel otherwise is not really an option. America is still great. It always has been. Hopefully, it always will be.
We all love our country. Let’s let that be the thing that heals.
It’s worth restating Stephanie’s wise words:
Today We Mourn. Tomorrow We Recalibrate.
Take the time you need to do both.
Processing disappointment will look different for each of us. How you do it and for how long is up to you.
For me, processing this disappointment will include turning off news outlets, taking lots of walks, writing, reading writings of others, and plenty of snuggling with the pets. Oh, and mourning and recalibrating. It’ll require doing those things as well. (Thank you, Stephanie.)
What will it look like for YOU?
P.S.
I had to share the words below from the always brilliant Anne Lamott. Her words (via “X”) felt spot on for the moment, AND they made me laugh a little (we need that):
I don’t even have the words for not having any words. We stick together. Breathe. Keep the patient comfortable. Feel like shit. Take care of the poor, each other, and ourselves. Look around for all the light that remains and can never go out. Sending you all a big quavering hug.
Thanks, Anne.
Finally, the quote below remains forever timely and important.
Thank you, Vice President Harris (and Hilary Clinton) for giving it your all. It’ll happen someday, and you will have helped make it possible.
Be sure to share your thoughts with a comment below.
How do YOU feel about the election results?
If you’re disappointed, how are you processing your disappointment?
Even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, it’s a privilege to vote, and I’m so glad I did. I’ll always be proud to say I voted for the Harris/Walz ticket. (And the Clinton/Kane one, too!)
Thank you for reading my article. It would cheer me up (a little) if you shared it!
Click on the image below to visit my author website. (It might be a good distraction.)
Thank you for being here with me.
As always, I see you. I hear you, and I care about what YOU have to say.
Until next time…
Take care of yourself, and be kind to someone.
Warmly, and with much gratitude,
Nancy
Thank you Nancy for articulating so beautifully my feelings on the shocking outcome of an election that I had such hope for. I am grieving for our country and what could have been had Kamala Harris been elected instead of the convicted felon/insurrectionist. To say that I'm in shock doesn't come close to describing how devastated I feel. I am very frightened for what is coming.
Hi Nancy, I will have to write a better comment on your excellent post, but right now I am grieving. Unlike the horrible 2016 election, I was not surprised this time. Deep down inside I knew Trump would win. It doesn't make it any easier. It was love for my country that made me vote for the best candidate. But right now I can't say I love my country. Hell, I don't even like it anymore. And so many Americans vote without using their brains.
As you know, I adopted my daughter from Communist China. I had hoped she would have a better life here in a democracy, only to watch her rights being stripped away.
I have gone from numb to acceptance to downright crying and depression. I don't know how to recover. And I don't have the wherewithal to be an activist.