"The waiting"
Sometimes I'd rather keep waiting. You?
Audio version of “The waiting”
Hello, friend.
And hello, 2025!
Thank you for choosing to be part of this community. I love having you here and look forward to you and I doing lots more sharing in this space in 2025. As always, I value your thoughts, opinions, and comments no matter what the topic and whether you agree with me or not.
I hope your holidays were whatever you needed them to be. All that holiday stuff is over for another year. Maybe you’re glad about that. Maybe you’re sad to pack up Christmas. Or maybe you can’t wait to put stuff back in bins, shove bins back on shelves or in closets—or wherever you store all that stuff—and close the door on Christmas. Literally.
Heck, maybe you’re already done with all that putting away! (I am not, but soon.)
Now it’s on to the next day or event that requires waiting for, whatever that might be in your household.
And then there’s that other thing we are waiting for…
As Americans (and the world) wait for the end of one administration and the start of the one that follows, I’ve been thinking about what it means to wait. I want to know how you’re doing during “the waiting”.
Are you good at waiting or not so much? Are you in a hurry to get to January 20th, or like me, are you in no hurry at all?
Also, what's the hardest news, medical or otherwise, you've waited for?
Be sure to share in the comments.
Let’s talk about “the waiting”…
“The waiting”
When I was a kid, one of my older sisters and I started counting down the days until Christmas in August. It was hard to wait. (Notably, my oldest sister wanted no part of that counting-off-the-days strategy. She considered herself too old for such nonsense.)
Time between August and December 24th passed slowly, or so it seemed. Checking off the days on a calendar didn’t make them go by any faster. In fact, it likely had the opposite effect for us.
Waiting was hard back then, as it is for most kids.
Over time, you get better at waiting. You learn how “to do waiting right”. Which really means you learn to better disguise your emotions. You figure out how to at least pretend you’re not anxious, worried, excited, impatient, or whatever your genuine feelings might be about whatever it is you’re waiting for.
Throw in cancer.
Cancer changes everything—including “the waiting”.
And cancer brings with it a lot of waiting.
You wait for your cancer clues to go away on their own. After all, you might be imagining things. When you finally decide you better not wait any longer, you make that appointment you know you need and probably shouldn’t have waited so long to make.
If you have no symptoms, you postpone your mammogram and/or physical. You tell yourself you’re too healthy or too young to worry about anything being wrong with you. Eventually, you schedule one or both.
With either scenario, you wait for appointment day to arrive. When it finally does, you show up and sit in a chair in a room that’s actually designated as a “waiting” room.
Once diagnosed, you quickly realize you aren’t that healthy or too young. You also realize you’re going to have to fine tune your waiting skills. On top of that, you begin learning how to size up other cancer patients sitting in that waiting room.
Are they better at waiting than you?
How much can you learn about them (and their cancers) by studying how they wait?
(You might want to read: “Unremarkable” & the stories within a cancer center’s walls.)
After diagnosis, there are too-many-to-count examinations, tests, scans, blood draws, consultations, chemo/radiation appointments, surgeries, recoveries, and follow ups. All of these things include a lot of waiting before, in-between, and after.
(And as for my friends with metastatic disease, their waiting is in a league all its own and requires a separate post.)
Yep. Cancer intensifies everything, including “the waiting”.
At the same time, cancer made waiting easier for me. Or rather, I became a more patient waiter.
I no longer necessarily wanted immediate answers. “No news is good news” came in handy as a mantra at times. Sometimes, postponing bad news and worry for a later date was a relief, even if temporary.
This brings me to the crux of this article—waiting for the Trump presidency, round two.
Since the election, I find myself fluctuating between various emotions. I vacillate between feeling angry, disillusioned, disengaged, vindictive (the country deserves whatever happens), scared, worried, determined, and too many-to-list other emotions.
Now that 2025 is here, reality is setting in again. I’ve been in a bit of denial. The holidays offered respite. But now, the waiting is nearly over.
Do I really want to know what’s on the horizon (do you?), or would I prefer to stay right here in the in-between land?
If you had a crystal ball, would you take a peek into the future—your future?
You might want to read: If You Had a Crystal Ball, Would You Take a Look?
There’s a certain amount of comfort and safety in the in-between space—“the waiting” space. But eventually, the waiting comes to an end. The unknown becomes known. Reality becomes, well, real. Not something we can postpone. The relief that comes from that temporary postponement is about to end. I'm not happy about it. I'm not ready.
It’s always a bit terrifying to let go of the familiar, even more so when you have a pretty good idea about what’s coming.
Sometimes, I’d rather just keep waiting. This feels like one of those times. Still, might it be better to just get on with it, and somehow, muddle through whatever lies ahead?
Reality requires us to process, adapt, recalibrate, change, and sometimes weep with sadness—when we’re lucky, weep with joy.
How will this particular period of “the waiting” culminate?
What is the next chapter of America’s story going to look like?
How will it start?
Ready or not, the waiting will soon be over.
Together, we will find out how that next chapter begins.
Are you good at waiting or not so much?
If you had a crystal ball, would you peek into your, or the country’s, future?
What’s the hardest news (any kind) you’ve waited for?
How are you feeling as Jan 20 draws near?
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Since you’ve read this far (thank you), I’ll share that I’m going through a rough patch right now (nothing cancery). Husband and I are feeling pretty devastated and are grieving. The new year has not started off well for us. I am not ready to write/share about it yet. I will. I promise.
Please know just telling you this much, Dear Reader, makes me feel better. That’s the way with sharing, isn’t it? So, thank you for being here with me. Your presence in this space matters more than you realize.
Never forget: I see you. I hear you, and I care about what YOU have to say.
Until next time…
Take care of yourself, and be kind to someone.
Lastly…
Happy New Year, friend! 🎉
May 2025 be kind to you. May it be kind to us all.
Warmly, and with much gratitude,
Nancy
Waiting isn't my strong suit. I do better however if I have a strategy -- what that means is where might I engage in life that brings satisfaction? That helps with the waiting. Waiting for a date or an event is fairly easy because you have some idea of what it is you're waiting for; and health matters, a more difficult kind of waiting. Waiting for the new administration in D.C., has really made me look at how and where I might engage in something satisfying to offset not only the waiting, but the dread that I feel.
I remind myself that we live in a world of duality. There's always good and there's always bad. What do we choose to focus on? It sounds simple, but isn't. May we all find the light that we need to guide our way and to help guide each other. We are stronger, unified.
Thanks for a thoughtful essay.
Part of me wants to keep waiting, but the longer I wait, the greater the anxiety becomes. Truth is, though, that anxiety isn't as great as it was between 2016 & 2020, so... yeah, waiting might be better.