When gratitude feels elusive
It happens...
Hello, friend.
I’m so grateful you’re here. If you’re a new reader, welcome.
It’s almost Thanksgiving, so I have a question for you:
Are you feeling a bit shaky in the gratitude department because of disappointment, illness, grief, or some other reason?
It’s okay if you are.
Conversations about gratitude can sometimes make us feel guilty about; well, about not feeling as grateful as we think we should. In other words, we sometimes feel judged. Or worse, we judge ourselves.
So, let’s talk more about gratitude.
Be sure to let me know in the comments how YOU are feeling and if gratitude sometimes, maybe even right now, feels elusive for you.
When gratitude feels elusive
(It happens)
It’s been a tumultuous couple weeks, right?
In a way, the election seems like ages ago.
With Thanksgiving nearly here, I’m wondering if you’re struggling a bit with the whole gratitude thing.
What if you’re not feeling all that grateful?
Wait, you might be thinking, is that allowed?
(Yes, yes it is.)
There are a ton of reasons why life gets challenging (including losing elections), and challenges don’t magically disappear for the holidays.
Maybe you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer, or perhaps your loved one has been. Maybe you’re feeling unwell from chemo, radiation, or some other treatment. Maybe you’re recovering from surgery. Maybe your loved one died recently — or not so recently — it doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Maybe you just lost your job and have no prospects for another. Maybe you just broke up with your significant other. Maybe you’re thinking you can’t take any more bad news about the state of the country. Maybe you are all alone and don’t want to be.
Maybe you are damn tired. I know I am at times.
Post election, I’m weary of the worry, the anger, the disappointment, the despair, the finger pointing, the divisions, the unknowns — all of it.
And yet, weariness does not make these things go away.
Pausing, slowing down, stepping away, or for some, stepping further into the fray, can be helpful.
During rocky times due to any reason, practicing gratitude can feel elusive, even impossible. The word gratitude itself might sound and feel hollow — more like a buzz word — perhaps even a burden, especially in November. Think about it. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer, there can be an expectation that you must be more grateful now.
This may or may not be the case.
You might want to read: Did Cancer Make You More Grateful?
Maybe this is why I tend to avoid participating in those 30-day-gratitude challenges you sometimes see happening on social media and elsewhere during November. (Or is it just me?)
So, what’s a person who’s struggling in the gratitude department supposed to do?
Whenever I fall short practicing gratitude (or think I am because, in this case, there’s no such thing as falling short), I remember a comment about gratitude a dear reader left a few years ago:
Every night when I tuck my kids in, we take turns telling each other something we’re thankful for. Some nights it’s really hard for me to come up with something, but we, I, always do.
Sadly, this reader has since died from metastatic breast cancer. Her sage words continue to have an impact on me, all this time later. Perhaps they’ll be meaningful to you as well. (Never for one minute, Dear Reader, think the words you express in the comments within this safe community do not matter.)
I share her words again because sometimes it is hard to feel grateful, though, usually you can find something to feel grateful for.
But even if you can’t, that’s okay, too.
Because gratitude ebbs and flows. Cultivating gratitude takes effort, and sometimes, you just aren’t up to the doing part. But maybe the next day, or even the next hour, you will be.
“It is enough to be grateful for the next breath.” — Br. David-Stein-Rast
If you’re feeling a bit shaky in the gratitude department due to whatever reason(s), the above quote, shared by fellow author Lisa Valentine on her blog, might be helpful. It can be a starting point anyway.
This Thanksgiving and all through the upcoming holiday season, be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. Show yourself kindness regarding however you’re feeling about gratitude, too.
Your feelings are valid. All of them. There’s nothing to prove in the gratitude department either. Gratitude is not a contest.
Be real. Be you.
As usual, it’s enough.
Even at Thanksgiving.
Finally, thank you for reading my article(s). If you’re a subscriber, and even if you’re not, I am grateful whenever you choose to spend a few minutes of your valuable time here. I value every reader and every comment.
I am grateful for YOU.
To all who celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving!
Have you ever struggled to feel grateful and felt guilty about it?
How do you cultivate gratitude, especially when you’re struggling?
Share something you are grateful for.
For more information about all my books including where to purchase (not just Amazon), click here.
Thank you for being here with me. I appreciate you.
As always, I see you. I hear you, and I care about what you have to say.
Until next time…
Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃
Take care of yourself, be kind to someone, and be a light.
With much gratitude,
Nancy
Hi Nancy,
I really have to tap deep within my gratitude bank to find the thankfulness. Between the results of the election and the shit-show that will be taking place over the next four years and possibly beyond, it's so difficult to be grateful. (By the way, like you, I don't participate in those 30-day gratitude challenges. They give me a headache.) News diet is helping, but I can't completely protect myself from the news.
I am so grateful for art. It has been my salvation. For example, yesterday, I was exceedingly depressed and didn't want to work on one of my landscape paintings. But I forced myself to sit down at the canvas and start. Three hours later, I was jubilant. That's what art does to me. I need to create more often.
Of course, above everything, I am grateful to be alive. While I still feel the psychological effects of cancer, I'm so lucky, really, to have a great support system and to be living. I am grateful for my wonderful daughter. She is a true gift.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Nancy!
I struggle with remembering to stop each day and think of what I’m grateful for. I know I have so much. But when I remember, it does help me look at the world differently. There have been times in my life when I didn’t feel gratitude- when I was in major depression and dealing with a cascade of losses in a short period of time. I don’t pass judgment on anyone who for some reason doesn’t feel there are beams of sunshine warming them. There is often too much of that toxic positivity floating around out there. Life is hard. Anyone who pretends it isn’t is lying to themselves. Sometimes people just need a kind word or a hug without feeling the pressure to give something in return.