Very timely….my original mastectomy was started w/expander in November 2010 and finished w/implants April 14th, 2011. This year after 14 years of a lot of discomfort and ultimately pain, I had them replaced this April 22nd because one had ruptured. This time, they’re finally comfortable. My new (better, there I’ve said it - there are more options for plastic surgeons who focus on reconstruction in my area 14 years later) plastic surgeon put the implants in front of my muscle. My previous PS put them behind the muscle and they were always very uncomfortable. And these look more natural than my first mastectomy, but as you know, they’re not really me….they’re two fake implants inside my chest. It’s never really over, is it?
I remember you had your mastectomy around the same time I had mine. I never adjusted to my implants as they were always quite uncomfortable. I'm so happy you had yours placed in front of the muscle this time. My plastic surgeon and I discussed this after I had the rupture when we were talking about options. She said it's how it's done now. Yay for improvements, right?
As you know, I went the DIEP flap route. I'm happier with things now, but do I love my body and the changes? No. I don't. Acceptance, gratitude, and respect. Those I can manage and embrace. It's enough. Do you love yours?
Your last surgery wasn't that long ago! I hope your recovery went, and continues to go well. I'm so glad you're happier with the results. You are so right - it's never really over. That's just our reality. Thank you for sharing about your experience. I appreciate your contribution to this conversation.
I don't love them as they're not my real body, and of course I have no feeling in them. But they're much more comfortable than the previous ones which I'm very grateful for. Take care.
Hi Nancy, this is a brave post on such an important topic. Like you, I remember some dates but not others. Too many dates to remember.
Before cancer I did love my body. I loved my breasts. I wasn't vain about it. I just thought they looked nice. When I got hit with breast cancer, I made a choice to keep my breasts and opted for a lumpectomy with radiation instead of a mastectomy. I wanted to hold on to my breasts while I got rid of the cancer. My surgeon was a breast conservationist who helped me make my decision. It was a mistake for me.
After my first lumpectomy, my right breast was deformed and the surgeon didn't get clean margins. So lumpectomy #2 took place, where the cancer was removed, but my breast looked hideous. I hated the way I looked.
Then five years later, I got a scare and I needed lumpectomy #3 to remove the mass, which was luckily scar tissue. The scare pushed me to fight for and get a bilateral mastectomy and DIEP flap.
Yes I remember that woman who danced before her mastectomy. Let me say, I didn't and still don't get it. I never found the amputation of my breasts joyous. In fact, as you know, I've had severe body image issues as a result of all this trauma, which I express with a series of nude paintings.
Now, years after my DIEP, which took place on December 1, 2006, I am more accepting of my body. I no longer love my breasts, but I've come to the point where I accept my body.
Thank you for addressing this important topic. I so appreciate it.
Well, I'm not sure this is a brave post, but it's one that needed writing. I think another expectation for breast cancer patients who have mastectomies is that we should be so grateful that we love our post-mastectomy bodies no matter what. I like the way Mary described her feelings about her body as neutral. I guess that's where I fall too.
You certainly went through a lot of turmoil before you ended up having a bilateral and DIEP flap. That had to be a hard five years prior to that. I'm glad you advocated so hard for what you wanted. I'm sorry you have had severe body image issues. Thank goodness your paintings have helped you deal with all that. They will help others who view them too. I love that you're doing that series.
Accepting, respecting, and being grateful for our bodies is enough in my book. Thank you for sharing so candidly about your experience. I appreciate you.
Great article-I've never been a raving beauty. I'm from one of those families that ages well but not really beauties to begin with. My other sisters were more striking, but I was the one with the big breasts. My claim to fame so to speak. Then 20 years ago, I had my first mastectomy on the left side. Then last spring my second round of cancer started and had the other breast removed in August. In some ways it was a relief, no balancing effect with prosthetics or in balancing exercises. Still such a bitter solution to cancer. You are right when you say most people don't consider it real surgery-it's not an arm or leg, but sadly it is such a part of our self. Then we add in the side effects of treatments and it's a private part of ourselves we take out and grieve over. Only a part that people who have been through it understand. Thanks for your words of wisdom and compassion you gift us all!
Isn't it interesting how you consider your sisters more striking in appearance. The things we tell ourselves... I'm sorry you had to go through having a mastectomy not once, but twice. And I love your words: "Such a bitter solution to cancer." I swear some day the slash, burn, and poison treatments are going to be thought of as so barbaric - unimaginable even.
You are so right about the side effects and grieving for private parts of ourselves - it's hard. I'm not sure others cannot understand. I like to think they can.
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much. I appreciate you being here and sharing about these personal things.
Thank you for this very timely blogpost. I had a single mastectomy and a lumpectomy Jan. 6, 2023. It was such a major event for me, it surprises me that the date isn't seared into the memories of my friends and family. But it isn't. Why should it be? It was my trauma, my disfiguration.
I opted for no reconstruction. While I have no regrets or second thoughts about that, I realized recently that I seldom look at my body in the mirror. It is not something to admire. During that "aha" moment, I also realized that I don't hate my body, either. Is that denial? Avoidance? I don't know, but it doesn't keep me awake at night.
I applaud other people's ability to embrace their new selves with enthusiasm. It is beyond my understanding, but then, I don't have to understand it, do I? There is no way of knowing if their euphoria is real or feigned, fueled by bravado. If it works for them, that is what counts.
My acceptance of myself and my body is real, but acceptance doesn't mean love. It is more neutral, not negative like hatred or aversion. My body is just there, and I hope that it remains cancer free for the rest of my life.
Oh my goodness, your mastectomy was not long ago at all. You are still processing this, as you aptly called it, major event. I think I'm like you in that I don't love or hate my body. It's there. I appreciate very much what it still does for me as it's still functioning quite well, more or less anyway. Neutral - I like that word you chose. It seems to fit for me too. Just today I was reading a post on Instagram from a woman who I follow and respect. She was saying how much she loves her body post-mastectomy. I guess it shows, again, how we all feel and cope so differently. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts on this. I so appreciate you being here.
Thank you for this. I remember my plastic surgeon asking me if I was happy with the results of my reconstruction. Do I have good results? Yes. Am I happy about it? No. I've accepted that this is my "new normal" but I do not love it.
I am fortunate to have never had to face a mastectomy or other breast surgery. It is a serious surgery, image altering, not to mention all the short and long-term functional issues, pain, lymphedema, and so on…that go along with it, and should be accompanied by a lot of psychological support. It is an amputation. What I love about your writing, Nancy, is that you always present the topic in a way that gives others permission to be honest with themselves. Women (and to some extent, men) have enough body image issues and deal with so much external pressure to look a certain way, and so many reject the idea of coming around to self-acceptance as a result. (There are no stone tablets anywhere. We are who and what we are. We don’t have to love our bodies, but hopefully, for the sake of the world, we can love ourselves.)
Thank you for mentioning those short and long-term functional issues, and I so agree that there should be more psychological support offered to mastectomy patients. Thank you, too, for your kind words about my writing. I try to offer opinions w/o coming across as being too judgmental.
I LOVE your last sentence. "We don't have to love our bodies, but hopefully...we can love ourselves." Self-image is very different from body image. At least to me. I think that's the essence of what you said in those words.
Thank you for reading and sharing some thoughts. I appreciate you.
Thanks, Nancy. I love reading your substack. I appreciate you, too! I agree that self-image is different from body image, though they are somewhat related- rejecting one’s body does have an impact on overall self-image, though. I think acceptance and kindness to yourself overall despite any less than positive feelings about your body is what is ideal- but that’s just my $.02.
Thank you for saying you love reading my Substack. That means a lot! Acceptance and kindness to yourself no matter how you feel about your body - completely agree. Especially with the kindness part. Always love getting your $.02!
Nancy, I have not had a mastectomy, but I do not love my body. Some days I can accept it, but even that is usually hard to do, so I can relate on that aspect. Thank you for sharing this honest story and your truth.
I hear you. A person doesn't have to have had a mastectomy to have body image issues, that's for sure! I think most of us are right there with you. Some days we feel better about our bodies than other days. Self-acceptance is a work in progress. It always has been and likely always will be, for most of us anyway.
Thank you for reading and sharing how you feel about your body. I appreciate you being here and your input too.
July 13, 1999. The double mastectomy with Tran flap reconstruction at age 40. It almost killed me even at that age. 5 days in the hospital, 3 of them in ICU, I believe. I'm a little hazy with morphine for those days 😏 Long recovery period in which my husband and father decided we needed to do a family trip to Disneyland and the beach. After all, it could very well be our last one, right? Imagine trying to lie on the beach when I still couldn't lie flat on my back yet. Yeah not as idyllic as hubby had hoped for our 20th anniversary.
Fast forward through a skin recurrence that made me need both chemo and radiation, you can begin to imagine what THAT does to a brand new "breast." If I hadn't bothered with reconstruction, if I had stayed flat I feel that I would be more satisfied than I am now but hindsight yada yada.
Sorry for the book. BTW, the only part of my body that I ever really liked was my feet. At least I still have them and still like them 😁👍
Gosh, it sounds like you had quite the experience with your mastectomy and reconstruction. I'm sorry you had to go through the extra misery in ICU. I'm sure your husband and father thought that trip was a great idea, but man... I hear you... not as idyllic as they had hoped for. Sounds downright uncomfortable!
I'm sorry to hear you had a skin recurrence and needed chemo and radiation. I can only begin to imagine how that impacted your brand new breast. Yikes. So much to deal with. I hear you regarding how you might've been more satisfied choosing to stay flat. And yeah, hindsight...
Your comment about your feet gave me a chuckle. I am hard pressed to think of my favorite body part. Maybe my hands? At one time anyway. I need to take better care of them.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your candor. I appreciate you!
Very timely….my original mastectomy was started w/expander in November 2010 and finished w/implants April 14th, 2011. This year after 14 years of a lot of discomfort and ultimately pain, I had them replaced this April 22nd because one had ruptured. This time, they’re finally comfortable. My new (better, there I’ve said it - there are more options for plastic surgeons who focus on reconstruction in my area 14 years later) plastic surgeon put the implants in front of my muscle. My previous PS put them behind the muscle and they were always very uncomfortable. And these look more natural than my first mastectomy, but as you know, they’re not really me….they’re two fake implants inside my chest. It’s never really over, is it?
Hi Claudia,
I remember you had your mastectomy around the same time I had mine. I never adjusted to my implants as they were always quite uncomfortable. I'm so happy you had yours placed in front of the muscle this time. My plastic surgeon and I discussed this after I had the rupture when we were talking about options. She said it's how it's done now. Yay for improvements, right?
As you know, I went the DIEP flap route. I'm happier with things now, but do I love my body and the changes? No. I don't. Acceptance, gratitude, and respect. Those I can manage and embrace. It's enough. Do you love yours?
Your last surgery wasn't that long ago! I hope your recovery went, and continues to go well. I'm so glad you're happier with the results. You are so right - it's never really over. That's just our reality. Thank you for sharing about your experience. I appreciate your contribution to this conversation.
I don't love them as they're not my real body, and of course I have no feeling in them. But they're much more comfortable than the previous ones which I'm very grateful for. Take care.
Hi Nancy, this is a brave post on such an important topic. Like you, I remember some dates but not others. Too many dates to remember.
Before cancer I did love my body. I loved my breasts. I wasn't vain about it. I just thought they looked nice. When I got hit with breast cancer, I made a choice to keep my breasts and opted for a lumpectomy with radiation instead of a mastectomy. I wanted to hold on to my breasts while I got rid of the cancer. My surgeon was a breast conservationist who helped me make my decision. It was a mistake for me.
After my first lumpectomy, my right breast was deformed and the surgeon didn't get clean margins. So lumpectomy #2 took place, where the cancer was removed, but my breast looked hideous. I hated the way I looked.
Then five years later, I got a scare and I needed lumpectomy #3 to remove the mass, which was luckily scar tissue. The scare pushed me to fight for and get a bilateral mastectomy and DIEP flap.
Yes I remember that woman who danced before her mastectomy. Let me say, I didn't and still don't get it. I never found the amputation of my breasts joyous. In fact, as you know, I've had severe body image issues as a result of all this trauma, which I express with a series of nude paintings.
Now, years after my DIEP, which took place on December 1, 2006, I am more accepting of my body. I no longer love my breasts, but I've come to the point where I accept my body.
Thank you for addressing this important topic. I so appreciate it.
Hi Beth,
Well, I'm not sure this is a brave post, but it's one that needed writing. I think another expectation for breast cancer patients who have mastectomies is that we should be so grateful that we love our post-mastectomy bodies no matter what. I like the way Mary described her feelings about her body as neutral. I guess that's where I fall too.
You certainly went through a lot of turmoil before you ended up having a bilateral and DIEP flap. That had to be a hard five years prior to that. I'm glad you advocated so hard for what you wanted. I'm sorry you have had severe body image issues. Thank goodness your paintings have helped you deal with all that. They will help others who view them too. I love that you're doing that series.
Accepting, respecting, and being grateful for our bodies is enough in my book. Thank you for sharing so candidly about your experience. I appreciate you.
Great article-I've never been a raving beauty. I'm from one of those families that ages well but not really beauties to begin with. My other sisters were more striking, but I was the one with the big breasts. My claim to fame so to speak. Then 20 years ago, I had my first mastectomy on the left side. Then last spring my second round of cancer started and had the other breast removed in August. In some ways it was a relief, no balancing effect with prosthetics or in balancing exercises. Still such a bitter solution to cancer. You are right when you say most people don't consider it real surgery-it's not an arm or leg, but sadly it is such a part of our self. Then we add in the side effects of treatments and it's a private part of ourselves we take out and grieve over. Only a part that people who have been through it understand. Thanks for your words of wisdom and compassion you gift us all!
Hi Terry,
Isn't it interesting how you consider your sisters more striking in appearance. The things we tell ourselves... I'm sorry you had to go through having a mastectomy not once, but twice. And I love your words: "Such a bitter solution to cancer." I swear some day the slash, burn, and poison treatments are going to be thought of as so barbaric - unimaginable even.
You are so right about the side effects and grieving for private parts of ourselves - it's hard. I'm not sure others cannot understand. I like to think they can.
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean so much. I appreciate you being here and sharing about these personal things.
Hi, Nancy,
Thank you for this very timely blogpost. I had a single mastectomy and a lumpectomy Jan. 6, 2023. It was such a major event for me, it surprises me that the date isn't seared into the memories of my friends and family. But it isn't. Why should it be? It was my trauma, my disfiguration.
I opted for no reconstruction. While I have no regrets or second thoughts about that, I realized recently that I seldom look at my body in the mirror. It is not something to admire. During that "aha" moment, I also realized that I don't hate my body, either. Is that denial? Avoidance? I don't know, but it doesn't keep me awake at night.
I applaud other people's ability to embrace their new selves with enthusiasm. It is beyond my understanding, but then, I don't have to understand it, do I? There is no way of knowing if their euphoria is real or feigned, fueled by bravado. If it works for them, that is what counts.
My acceptance of myself and my body is real, but acceptance doesn't mean love. It is more neutral, not negative like hatred or aversion. My body is just there, and I hope that it remains cancer free for the rest of my life.
Hi Mary,
Oh my goodness, your mastectomy was not long ago at all. You are still processing this, as you aptly called it, major event. I think I'm like you in that I don't love or hate my body. It's there. I appreciate very much what it still does for me as it's still functioning quite well, more or less anyway. Neutral - I like that word you chose. It seems to fit for me too. Just today I was reading a post on Instagram from a woman who I follow and respect. She was saying how much she loves her body post-mastectomy. I guess it shows, again, how we all feel and cope so differently. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts on this. I so appreciate you being here.
Thank you for this. I remember my plastic surgeon asking me if I was happy with the results of my reconstruction. Do I have good results? Yes. Am I happy about it? No. I've accepted that this is my "new normal" but I do not love it.
Hi Bonnie,
I hear you. Boy, do I. Thank you for chiming in on this discussion. I appreciate you.
I am fortunate to have never had to face a mastectomy or other breast surgery. It is a serious surgery, image altering, not to mention all the short and long-term functional issues, pain, lymphedema, and so on…that go along with it, and should be accompanied by a lot of psychological support. It is an amputation. What I love about your writing, Nancy, is that you always present the topic in a way that gives others permission to be honest with themselves. Women (and to some extent, men) have enough body image issues and deal with so much external pressure to look a certain way, and so many reject the idea of coming around to self-acceptance as a result. (There are no stone tablets anywhere. We are who and what we are. We don’t have to love our bodies, but hopefully, for the sake of the world, we can love ourselves.)
Hi Alene,
Thank you for mentioning those short and long-term functional issues, and I so agree that there should be more psychological support offered to mastectomy patients. Thank you, too, for your kind words about my writing. I try to offer opinions w/o coming across as being too judgmental.
I LOVE your last sentence. "We don't have to love our bodies, but hopefully...we can love ourselves." Self-image is very different from body image. At least to me. I think that's the essence of what you said in those words.
Thank you for reading and sharing some thoughts. I appreciate you.
Thanks, Nancy. I love reading your substack. I appreciate you, too! I agree that self-image is different from body image, though they are somewhat related- rejecting one’s body does have an impact on overall self-image, though. I think acceptance and kindness to yourself overall despite any less than positive feelings about your body is what is ideal- but that’s just my $.02.
Hi Alene,
Thank you for saying you love reading my Substack. That means a lot! Acceptance and kindness to yourself no matter how you feel about your body - completely agree. Especially with the kindness part. Always love getting your $.02!
Nancy, I have not had a mastectomy, but I do not love my body. Some days I can accept it, but even that is usually hard to do, so I can relate on that aspect. Thank you for sharing this honest story and your truth.
Hi Cherie,
I hear you. A person doesn't have to have had a mastectomy to have body image issues, that's for sure! I think most of us are right there with you. Some days we feel better about our bodies than other days. Self-acceptance is a work in progress. It always has been and likely always will be, for most of us anyway.
Thank you for reading and sharing how you feel about your body. I appreciate you being here and your input too.
July 13, 1999. The double mastectomy with Tran flap reconstruction at age 40. It almost killed me even at that age. 5 days in the hospital, 3 of them in ICU, I believe. I'm a little hazy with morphine for those days 😏 Long recovery period in which my husband and father decided we needed to do a family trip to Disneyland and the beach. After all, it could very well be our last one, right? Imagine trying to lie on the beach when I still couldn't lie flat on my back yet. Yeah not as idyllic as hubby had hoped for our 20th anniversary.
Fast forward through a skin recurrence that made me need both chemo and radiation, you can begin to imagine what THAT does to a brand new "breast." If I hadn't bothered with reconstruction, if I had stayed flat I feel that I would be more satisfied than I am now but hindsight yada yada.
Sorry for the book. BTW, the only part of my body that I ever really liked was my feet. At least I still have them and still like them 😁👍
Hi Avsfan,
Gosh, it sounds like you had quite the experience with your mastectomy and reconstruction. I'm sorry you had to go through the extra misery in ICU. I'm sure your husband and father thought that trip was a great idea, but man... I hear you... not as idyllic as they had hoped for. Sounds downright uncomfortable!
I'm sorry to hear you had a skin recurrence and needed chemo and radiation. I can only begin to imagine how that impacted your brand new breast. Yikes. So much to deal with. I hear you regarding how you might've been more satisfied choosing to stay flat. And yeah, hindsight...
Your comment about your feet gave me a chuckle. I am hard pressed to think of my favorite body part. Maybe my hands? At one time anyway. I need to take better care of them.
Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your candor. I appreciate you!