I don't think that grief has an end point. I grieve my dad who died when I was twenty-eight; my mom who died twenty-five years ago; my two siblings who died in the same year, just two years ago. There will always be love and tenderness for these people, my family, in my heart, and it will be snuggled up right against the grief. It takes both love and loss to texture the heart in order to grow compassion.
I like story endings that show transformation. Grief and love are the great transformative forces. I want to see that the heroine of the story has become a better person for experiencing the grit and the grace of living.
Gosh, you've been an adult orphan for such a long time. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you've witnessed the death of two siblings as well. Do you have others? Sibling loss has to be so hard. You've experienced so much grief, but yes, also so much love. I absolutely love how you put that - love and tenderness snuggled up right against the grief. That is beautiful and so true.
Thank you for sharing about the people you grieve for. And thank you for sharing about story endings you like, too. I appreciate you.
Since my own experience with breast cancer, I personally find it to be extremely difficult to process the grief I feel when a close friend dies of the disease. It's very hard for me to process. Each time I feel so torn and wonder why them and not me. I don't think there's any limit to the length of time we all suffer from grief - it comes and goes, sometimes in waves. It comes back when I hear a song we shared, or see an image of them, or just have a random rememberance of them pop up in my mind. I'm still learning how to process it while I try to also honor the spirit of the friend who's gone. It's very difficult and something I think anyone with cancer, will forever struggle with.
Claudia, I totally get it. I lost a great friend to metastatic breast cancer, and I've often wondered why did she die and not me? We had so many similarities: both relatively young, both having dreams of having a child, both having so much in common. While I was able to make my dreams come true, she didn't have that chance. It's so difficult for me to process this loss, though she's been gone for almost 20 years.
Beth, I'm so sorry about your friend. I remember reading about her and your special relationship. You are honoring her every day as you try to live your best life.
Processing grief that comes when our friends die of this wretched disease is so hard. I hear you. Survivor guilt is real. And you're so right, grief has no time limit and does indeed come in waves. I think we all continue to learn how to process and live with our grief. Living our best lives is the best way to honor dear ones no longer with us.
I grieve my son, a car accident 24 years ago, he was 25, kind and funny and hard working and responsible, my only child, I cried myself to sleep for 2 years, I sometimes find myself shaking my head, it's surreal, a heartbreaking journey, I've never actually found the words, the words don't exist..
Oh, gosh, I have no words. But as you said, words don't exist to ease the kind of pain you've been enduring all this time. I had a dear cousin die in an auto accident decades ago, and that pain was a pain like none other for his mother and for the rest of our family, too, of course.
Thank you so much for sharing about your dear son. I hope it helps every time you tell others about him. I'm honored you shared in this space. I appreciate you. Sending love to your forever grieving heart.
Thank you for writing this Nancy! I agree so much with this. I still grieve so much for the loss of my Mom 12 years ago and though my Dad died more recently, his loss is an easier kind of grief to bear because he grieved so much for Mom, it is a comfort to know he is grieving no longer.
I can't believe it's been 12 years for you already. The loss of our moms is a loss like none other. Regarding your dad's death, I'm glad you find comfort in knowing he no longer is grieving for your dear mom. For me, the death of my dad was in some ways harder. Losing that second parent hit me hard. And my mother was suffering so at the end of her life, there was some comfort in knowing that was over for her. Death and grief are quite complicated. Then again, maybe not. Thank you for reading and sharing too. I appreciate you. x
This is a first-rate post about cancer-related grief and the loss of loved ones. I'm so glad I read Emerging, as it covers so many important topics such as grief and the fact that the reader is important. The book is an essential source of support for readers.
Regarding my past breast cancer diagnosis, although I'm 23 years out, I will never be done with the trauma of cancer. As you know, I suffer from PTSD from this horrible experience. Luckily, I have an excellent psychotherapist and medications that help ease the pain of the trauma. And, of course, I create art, which helps keep me calm, even on the worst days.
The person I grieve the most is my aunt Helene, who has been gone for seven years. She was so important to my upbringing and was the most parental adult in my life. She was the adult who offered support when I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. We were close from the time I was born.
When she died, it felt like my life was over. I cried so much, and still grief hits me at unexpected times. So many times, I wish she were alive, for I still need her so much. I will miss her forever.
I'm OK with unclear endings, as long as the film/book, etc. is of great quality. Tidy endings work for me too.
Thank you for writing this first-rate post. I so appreciate it.
Thank you so much for the kind words about this post. And thank you for reading EMERGING, too.
I know you've suffered a lot since your diagnosis, and I'm grateful you have a strong support system in place and see a psychotherapist and take needed meds. And yes, your art - what a blessing that you have that. Plus, it's nice for the rest of us, too, when we get to see some of your work!
I'm sorry your aunt Helene is no longer here. I remember when you wrote about her death. What a special person she was in your life. Such a loss and so much grief that you will always carry. But luckily, there was also love. So much love to remember, too.
Thank you for sharing about a person you grieve for. I love that you did. And thank you for sharing about what sort of endings you like. I guess you're flexible with them. Good for you. Thank you for commenting on some of the other comments here, too. You're so kind. We all appreciate you.
I don't think that grief has an end point. I grieve my dad who died when I was twenty-eight; my mom who died twenty-five years ago; my two siblings who died in the same year, just two years ago. There will always be love and tenderness for these people, my family, in my heart, and it will be snuggled up right against the grief. It takes both love and loss to texture the heart in order to grow compassion.
I like story endings that show transformation. Grief and love are the great transformative forces. I want to see that the heroine of the story has become a better person for experiencing the grit and the grace of living.
Hi Stephanie,
Gosh, you've been an adult orphan for such a long time. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry you've witnessed the death of two siblings as well. Do you have others? Sibling loss has to be so hard. You've experienced so much grief, but yes, also so much love. I absolutely love how you put that - love and tenderness snuggled up right against the grief. That is beautiful and so true.
Thank you for sharing about the people you grieve for. And thank you for sharing about story endings you like, too. I appreciate you.
Stephanie, I'm so sorry about your losses. Grief has no timeline. Yes, grief means there was/is love.
Since my own experience with breast cancer, I personally find it to be extremely difficult to process the grief I feel when a close friend dies of the disease. It's very hard for me to process. Each time I feel so torn and wonder why them and not me. I don't think there's any limit to the length of time we all suffer from grief - it comes and goes, sometimes in waves. It comes back when I hear a song we shared, or see an image of them, or just have a random rememberance of them pop up in my mind. I'm still learning how to process it while I try to also honor the spirit of the friend who's gone. It's very difficult and something I think anyone with cancer, will forever struggle with.
Claudia, I totally get it. I lost a great friend to metastatic breast cancer, and I've often wondered why did she die and not me? We had so many similarities: both relatively young, both having dreams of having a child, both having so much in common. While I was able to make my dreams come true, she didn't have that chance. It's so difficult for me to process this loss, though she's been gone for almost 20 years.
Beth, I'm so sorry about your friend. I remember reading about her and your special relationship. You are honoring her every day as you try to live your best life.
Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry, Beth. That must have been so hard, especially since you were both so young and hadn't experienced much in life, yet. xo
Hi Claudia,
Processing grief that comes when our friends die of this wretched disease is so hard. I hear you. Survivor guilt is real. And you're so right, grief has no time limit and does indeed come in waves. I think we all continue to learn how to process and live with our grief. Living our best lives is the best way to honor dear ones no longer with us.
Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate you.
I grieve my son, a car accident 24 years ago, he was 25, kind and funny and hard working and responsible, my only child, I cried myself to sleep for 2 years, I sometimes find myself shaking my head, it's surreal, a heartbreaking journey, I've never actually found the words, the words don't exist..
Hi Edie,
Oh, gosh, I have no words. But as you said, words don't exist to ease the kind of pain you've been enduring all this time. I had a dear cousin die in an auto accident decades ago, and that pain was a pain like none other for his mother and for the rest of our family, too, of course.
Thank you so much for sharing about your dear son. I hope it helps every time you tell others about him. I'm honored you shared in this space. I appreciate you. Sending love to your forever grieving heart.
I'm so sorry for this devastating loss, Edie.
Thank you for writing this Nancy! I agree so much with this. I still grieve so much for the loss of my Mom 12 years ago and though my Dad died more recently, his loss is an easier kind of grief to bear because he grieved so much for Mom, it is a comfort to know he is grieving no longer.
Hi Marie,
I can't believe it's been 12 years for you already. The loss of our moms is a loss like none other. Regarding your dad's death, I'm glad you find comfort in knowing he no longer is grieving for your dear mom. For me, the death of my dad was in some ways harder. Losing that second parent hit me hard. And my mother was suffering so at the end of her life, there was some comfort in knowing that was over for her. Death and grief are quite complicated. Then again, maybe not. Thank you for reading and sharing too. I appreciate you. x
Hi Nancy,
This is a first-rate post about cancer-related grief and the loss of loved ones. I'm so glad I read Emerging, as it covers so many important topics such as grief and the fact that the reader is important. The book is an essential source of support for readers.
Regarding my past breast cancer diagnosis, although I'm 23 years out, I will never be done with the trauma of cancer. As you know, I suffer from PTSD from this horrible experience. Luckily, I have an excellent psychotherapist and medications that help ease the pain of the trauma. And, of course, I create art, which helps keep me calm, even on the worst days.
The person I grieve the most is my aunt Helene, who has been gone for seven years. She was so important to my upbringing and was the most parental adult in my life. She was the adult who offered support when I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer. We were close from the time I was born.
When she died, it felt like my life was over. I cried so much, and still grief hits me at unexpected times. So many times, I wish she were alive, for I still need her so much. I will miss her forever.
I'm OK with unclear endings, as long as the film/book, etc. is of great quality. Tidy endings work for me too.
Thank you for writing this first-rate post. I so appreciate it.
Hi Beth,
Thank you so much for the kind words about this post. And thank you for reading EMERGING, too.
I know you've suffered a lot since your diagnosis, and I'm grateful you have a strong support system in place and see a psychotherapist and take needed meds. And yes, your art - what a blessing that you have that. Plus, it's nice for the rest of us, too, when we get to see some of your work!
I'm sorry your aunt Helene is no longer here. I remember when you wrote about her death. What a special person she was in your life. Such a loss and so much grief that you will always carry. But luckily, there was also love. So much love to remember, too.
Thank you for sharing about a person you grieve for. I love that you did. And thank you for sharing about what sort of endings you like. I guess you're flexible with them. Good for you. Thank you for commenting on some of the other comments here, too. You're so kind. We all appreciate you.